Alone. And I haven’t been happier for the past month, especially the past few days.
Frustration, irritation, fiction and disparity. The past few days embed in me more and more that I can not stand the superficial me that I am when I am with people that I do not like. It’s not that heart that is black but their interaction. And I never enjoy any moment with them.
Yet these past month those who I need to be with, who never make me tired, they seem so far away.
The absence I feel brings me back to the point to elope. That feeling of searching for my life again in the stillness and combination with the hermit. Filled with only my thoughts for conversation. Up on to a snow capped mount where the most beautiful creature I would ride into the sunset. Weather will never be too cold or too warm. Days pass building my world and night pass by the fireplace in a magical world of paper.
A companion? I would never find one like me in this fantasy. So I could just forget about the idea of an addition. Peace doesn’t come in two or more. Not in this world.
In this few weeks I went from throwing myself out again to wanting to pull a stone over my buried body.