I can safely assume, or say, shout it out loud to the world that there is only one human being still living and alive who knows me for who i really am. Not the funny I try to be or the interested in your stuff or calm and cool person.
But this person is not close, how did she let out the vulnerability to me that I did the same. How is it that I could never do as she did. I could never. I would only do things at the level that people do. I’m the passive, I could never do the active. Reaching out to other things that could judge you breds fear and anxiety.
I have known people who are open about these fears and anxiety but not me, I tell them to be courageous because my perception is that they do not really have to let out all they all, they just have to act. I approach a person first to bridge a connection, a small link, the after is that I try to agree with everything they seem to approve. Never to show what I really feel inside. Dramas talk of people like me to be feared, we could turn and spill things about your bad habits in due time and you will never see it coming because you thought I agreed.
No I am not a scheming person, just someone afraid. I nod in trying to get you to nod and approve me as someone you can talk to because of similarities. But my real self? In the same way it could only come out if you let yours come out first. But by that time – would you know that is the real me?