Aspired expired

They all ask you, maybe cos they want to know while you are still innocent, what you want to be when you grow up? What you want to do? How do you imagine your life to be?

And long ago I considered:
What will I do with my life, my money, my living space and how would I get there?
I don’t know why I liked to act so noble when I was young; it’s wasn’t to earn money only for myself but enough to give my dad and mom. I wish I am still able to say that today, but the only thing that’s keeping me back is that I don’t think I will be able to earn a lot of money. I don’t see anywhere for potential to reach a stage to actually spend luxuriously on my dear parents.

I can only see five steps ahead, maybe even only turn around one corner. But to look into 2 years from now, I don’t know what my career will be like. For goodness sake I definitely want it to be interesting but where can I find such a job. I’m easily bored in time and soon only attraction would be the monthly measly addition to my bank account number. Only to be squandered away by me in due course; spending on things that do not matter.

I’m tired even before I start.
I don’t have any thing to look towards and it seems that when I try I don’t see the difference not even a slight indicator to make me go on.
It’s pretty clear I’m just an accessory and is here for accounting purposes. They say we are much bigger than that but the ripples I make are even small than an ant. How can I feel like I do make a difference around me. I don’t know what it feels like to do so, but I sure know how to look and see other people do it to myself and those around them. It’s not jealousy but a disappointment inwards


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