Like a unicorn a lot of things I actually wanna do would not exist. However much you wish in your heart a dragon is true I have never ever done things that I really want to do.
I hold procrastination close to my heart as a tall fence that disallows the thoughts of my life to turn into a concrete story of my life. And fear of so many sorts, but most of all saying I will do it sometime.
I nearly had my heart jump if anyone else were to know of what G is to me before I have it disappear fully. Will it ever disappear? I doubt so with the problems of meeting more often. I want the rejection so bad I can go back to my own little bubble. But I can never say anything – it is just, you can never feel right. I’m sorry, because if you actually consider then I might feel as though I just told you that empty swimming pool has water in it and said that you should jump in. It has never felt right ever since the first words of like came out of my mouth.
I do agree with Max that somehow or other my childhood has made me unable to love. Or not childhood but the suppressed emotions that I thought was unnecessary in my life has led to an impairment.
Or has there just been nobody there for my emotions. Rather that person has gone, left my life so coldly and I won’t know myself that I am aching inside.
I do not feel. I need more to feel. So much more.