Is it a first?

So G talked to me and voluntary and seems like there is going to be something.

But I keep getting on and offs; I just have some feelings it may never start.

It is a first though – my rashness actually did something good.
But whether it is something I would not regret it is still hard to say.

Its difficult it is difficult it is so difficult as i am writing this while my mortal enemy walks about. The feelings are so weird.
I am ecstatic STILL from the moment of that chat. But yet I have to look at your face all my  appetite is gone and disgust just takes over. 


Every second goes by and I just want to confess to get it over and out, vomited now. But then I recall the expressions of shock and I just refuse to let myself know I am the only one in the boat. It is often said that “We’ll never know“. (<- its linked haha) But I think I just do 99% of the time.


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