Wretchedness

Never going to get angry, what for I used to think.

But when I started to grow up it seemed as though the world wanted me to be angry.
But with anger you are always thrown into a state of rashness and pain.

I did not suppress as people thought. I just wasn’t angry. And then they thought no why are you not angry, so I thought I was pretty odd. I started to develop feelings for that shove in the mrt, the lights in my face when my sister came into the room while I was asleep and most of all I started to get angry with myself.

For that imperfection and all the things that was not according to plan I just couldn’t let it go anymore.

If I could choose I would have chosen to be a human without feelings. But only for so many more reasons than anger. Because for sadness, fright and love it all became real when you told me to make it real.

I am very very grossed out that you act as though this is your home and that you spend the days thinking you fulfilled all things when in actual fact you probably did nothing right. It’s not about doing things right sometimes, it’s all about the effort and I think you absolutely entirely suck for not even trying. And your gluttony disgusts the freaking hell out of me. You are definitely the most low intelligent, sorriest thing of a human I have ever met. And the worst thing is – you do not even have any deformity. The fact that I cannot even avoid your shadow makes me mentally distressed and sick to the point that I would jump off a cliff just to never ever lay sight on you again.
Thank you very much for letting me know I could hate and abhor this much.

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